You've been named as a guardian. Here's what that means.

First, take a breath

Being named as a guardian does not mean anything is about to happen. Parents appoint guardians as a precaution, in the same way they insure their home. In the vast majority of families the appointment is never used: the children grow up, turn 18, and the clause quietly stops mattering.

What it does mean is that the parents thought carefully about who they trust with the people they love most, and they chose you. Nothing changes for you today. There are no forms to sign and nothing to register.

What a guardian actually is

A guardian is someone who steps into the parents' shoes if both parents have died while a child is under 18. Legally, the guardian takes on parental responsibility: the same rights and duties a parent has to make decisions about a child's upbringing.

In England and Wales, parents can appoint a guardian in their Will under section 5 of the Children Act 1989.

In practice, parental responsibility covers decisions such as:

• Where the children live, and who with
• Which school they go to
• Consenting to medical treatment
• Their religious upbringing, if any
• Applying for passports and agreeing to travel
• The everyday decisions every parent makes without thinking about it

It does not make you the child's parent in law, and it does not change their surname or their inheritance. It means you are the adult with the authority, and the responsibility, to look after them.

When the role would ever take effect

A guardianship appointment in a Will normally only takes effect when there is no surviving parent with parental responsibility. So if one parent dies, the other parent usually carries on raising the children exactly as before, and the guardian is not involved.

It is when both parents have died (or the surviving parent does not have parental responsibility) that the guardian named in the last Will steps in. If both parents named the same guardian in their Wills, which is what we usually recommend, the position is simple.

What would happen, step by step

Nobody likes thinking about this, but a guardian who knows the shape of what would happen tends to feel far calmer about the role. Broadly:

1. You would be told. Usually by the executors or the family. The Will is the document that gives you your authority, so you will need a copy of it, along with the death certificates.
2. No court application is needed. A valid appointment in a Will takes effect automatically. Schools, GPs and other organisations may ask to see the Will and death certificates, and that is normally enough.
3. The children's immediate needs come first. Where they will sleep that night, who is with them, and keeping their routine as steady as possible.
4. You work with the executors and trustees. They deal with the estate and the money. You deal with the children. In some families the same person does both, but often these are different people.
5. You make the longer-term decisions. Where the children will live, whether they change school, how they stay close to both sides of the family.

The money question

This is often the first worry, so let's be clear. Being a guardian does not mean you are expected to fund the children out of your own pocket. Most parents who appoint a guardian also make financial provision for their children, usually through:

• Their estate, often held in a trust for the children within the Will
• Life insurance, which can be written into trust so it pays out quickly
• Pension death benefits

Where the money is held in a trust, it is managed by the trustees. As guardian, you can ask the trustees for funds for the children's upkeep, education and wellbeing, and good trustees will want to help. It is common for the parents to choose the guardian and trustees deliberately so that they will work well together.

You may also be able to claim Guardian's Allowance, a tax-free payment from the government for someone bringing up a child whose parents have died. It is paid on top of Child Benefit, so you would need to be claiming that as well. Details are on GOV.UK.

Can I say no?

Yes. Nobody can be forced to raise someone else's children. If you are appointed as a guardian and do not want to act, you can formally disclaim the appointment in writing, within a reasonable time of finding out about it.

But by far the kindest time to say "I'm not sure I can" is now, while the parents can still choose someone else. Circumstances change. You may have moved away, have your own family to think about, or simply feel it is not right for you any more. Telling the parents is not letting them down. It is giving them the chance to get their plan right.

Five conversations worth having now

If you are happy to take the role on, the best thing you can do is have a few gentle conversations with the parents. You don't need to do it all at once.

1. How they would like the children raised. Their values, schooling, faith, the things that matter to them. Many parents write a letter of wishes for exactly this purpose. Ask if they have one, and whether you can see it.
2. Where the children would live. With you, in your home? Would you move closer to their school? There is no right answer, but it helps to have thought about it.
3. Who the trustees are. You would be working closely with them, so it helps to know who they are and to get on with them.
4. Where the paperwork is. Who has the original Will, and how would you be contacted? If the Will is held with us, that is one less thing to worry about.
5. The wider family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends who the parents would like the children to stay close to.

A note on privacy: we cannot share the contents of anyone's Will with you while they are alive without their permission. Questions about their wishes are best asked directly, and most parents are relieved when the guardian brings it up.

How long the role lasts

Guardianship ends when the child turns 18. After that, many guardians simply carry on being what they already were: the person that young adult turns to. The legal role ends; the relationship rarely does.